i have feelings too

This 2 days discovered online radio. haha..now i can listen to Malaysia's My FM, n also Singapore's Yes 933 which has always been my favourite radio station online :) familiar voices. familiar programmes. nice

Well..u know when ppl r in love, i understand that ppl just tend to focus on only their beloved one. but u cant just ignore other ppl in ur life right? like ur family. i have feelings too u know. guess i can only blame myself for not being able to drive well, n dont really know how to cook. so i cant blame ppl when they dont really care what u r going to eat for dinner right? n cant blame ppl when they decide to leave the house so early becos of their gf right? sometimes i wonder if ppl can ever be considerate n dont just ONLY focus their life on their beloved one. i m a human too. y dont u care about how i feel for a bit more?

N i guess sometimes i care too much about certain ppl. friends. care too much so hurt much too when ppl dont care as much as u do. well..guess i shouldnt care too much. dont really know if ppl appreciate also. even the closest friend in life can hurt u. remember this

Hope tmr will be good

*currently listening to this programme called 哈本营 on Yes 933. online radio. a programme whereby all the Japanese and Korean songs would be played. i remember very clearly that about 3 years ago when i was still in S'pore studying A level, i would listen to this prgramme every sunday at 10pm. now after 3 years i m still listening to it at the same time on the same day..but i m in KL now, in my last year for my degree. how time flies..

still like it

More than words..not a very new song but still sounds nice n sweet. 2 versions here. 1st one by Extreme. 2nd one by Frankie J. i prefer the 1st one

fairy tale

Watched this movie called The Shoe Fairy (人鱼朵朵) yesterday. is a fairy tale about this girl called Dodo (朵朵) who couldnt walk since she was born. after an operation when she was still a small girl, she could walk finally n started falling in love with shoes. she had many many pairs of shoes n loved them so much. once she went to the dentist becos of toothache. she n the dentist fell in love n got married. but they didnt live happily ever after. one day she met an accident n she lost her legs. couldnt walk n wore shoes anymore. eventually she realised the real happiness was her family. she gave up her shoes. she n the dentist had a daughter, only then they lived happily ever after.

The girl in the movie was called a mermaid becos her life was similar to that of the little mermaid who also couldnt walk but eventually traded her voice for a pair of legs. fairy tale...if only the real world is like the world in the fairy tale. innocent. not much problems. n most of the ppl live happily ever after. guess fairy tales will always be fairy tales. the lead male actor in the movie was quite handsome n he is a left hander! haha..always feel that left handers r more special. they can do all the things which u can do using their left hand while ur left hand doesnt function as good becos u r a right hander. watching left handers do things using left hand always facinates me somehow.

Friday cinema. saw plenty of students in uniform queueing up for the tickets. met Chong Yu, my A level friend who used to stay in the same hostel as me when i was in the queue for the movie tickets. it has been about 4 years i guess since the last time i met him. not a very close friend but stayed in the same place, went to the same Junior College so can remember him. he said hi first after he saw me. didnt call him 1st becos was not very very sure whether he was really the person i knew. wat a coincidence to meet him.

Not much plans for today. home alone as usual. shall move on.

what should i do?

好难过. 好痛苦. 到底应该怎么做?

以为情况转好了, 今天好不容易心情还蛮好的. 想不到明天还是跟前两天一样.

搬? 留? 我真的不懂.

心里就是一直不甘愿. 为什么我要牺牲? 可是没办法.

只好忍吧. 不然还能够怎样?

好难过

cool video

received this video link from Hwa Chin. is a korean a cappella group called at last. very cool performance

decision

saw this advertisement on the notice board looking for a female roommate. managed to contact the person n went to have a look at the room. nope. this option is out. i m not going to stay there.

after making some complaints (or rather..plenty), discussions, thinking..decided not to move out at the moment. shall see how things go after my 2nd cousin returns home after his holidays in China. by then i should have another person who might be able to send me to uni in the morning.

have this feeling that i m turning weaker. starts to worry worry n worry when problems come. not rational enough to stay calm to think about the best solution. just let the problem bothering me, making me feel bad. COME ON. accept the truth when u cant change it and adapt. is not easy but have to try. feeling bad wont solve the problem. it only makes life more miserable.

shall try to adapt this new lifestyle. sleep early, wake up early. n dont wake up feeling bad early in the morning. that doesnt help to solve the problem but only ruins ur day.

CHEER UP

troubled

quite depressed now..i m thinking of moving out instead of staying at my uncle's house.

should i continue staying on, wake up ard 5.20am almost everyday n to be dropped at the main road ard 6 plus am to take the bus to go uni, n also travel back home myself everyday?

or should i just move to somewhere around my uni n settle the transport problem forever?

i dont want to move out u know..who wants to give up a comfortable life that u have been having for 2 years plus? comfortable for almost everything..

but i think i wont be able to stand a life whereby i have to wake up so early everyday..is either 5 plus am or 6 am..too early. n not safe to travel alone so early in the morning.

still considering..quite sad thinking about how early i have to sleep n wake up everyday, n try to be alert when i m travelling alone eventhough i m sleepy. but moving out means i need to spend more money..

sigh..very sad. i dont know what to do

another movie

Today actually planned to go home straightaway after i dropped by the shopping mall to buy detergent after i left uni. but i ended up watching a movie alone before buying the things i needed. watched Jasmine Women (茉莉花开), starring Zhang Ziyi n Joan Chen (陈冲). this movie was about the love life of the women in a family for 3 generations, where each woman in each generation suffered n repeated the same mistake that the mother had made. quite a nice movie. the acting skills of Zhang Ziyi n Joan Chen were really good. for each generation Zhang Ziyi would be the daughter while Joan Chen would be the mother. n the different characters taken up by each of them really differ n showed clearly for each generation. very good actresses indeed.

Well..actually watching movie alone is not really as sad as i thought. there was once i went to watch Meet the Fockers alone n really didnt like the feeling of watching such a funny movie alone becos there wasnt anyone ard me that i knew n could laugh and share the fun together. but today dont know y just suddenly felt like watching the movie n didnt mind watching it myself. n it wasnt too bad. guess after September i would have to watch movie alone already most of the time since my current movie kaki who always watches movie with me will be going to UK soon to further her studies. i will definitely miss her then. will continue meet her for movies before she leaves. enjoy the moment together more before she leaves.

transport

i envy ppl who have boyfriends that can send them to places they want to go. well sometimes i m benefited becos of these boyfriends: i have free rides; sometimes i suffer becos of these 'noble' boyfriends. what to do..u r not his gf.

n to ppl who have a car: stop complaining! about jams. lazy to drive. bla bla..watever. at least u have a chance to get jammed inside ur own car. at least u have a chance trying to find a parking. at least u got a choice whether u want to drive or not. think about ppl like me who doesnt even have a car.

never mind. i will survive. nothing too bad.

emptiness

feel as if something is missing..but i dont know wat it is.

can this emptiness be filled up by reports n assignments? i doubt so. i only know they will make me miserable

whats missing? whats wrong? i dont know

feel like going home. although i just left home a week ago. ya time really flies. one week already

maybe is becos the house is too quiet. the number of ppl suddenly reduces into half in a day.

i was half way eating maggi mee for lunch today when i got a call from home. if i m at home in JB now i wont have to cook myself, eat alone. can i go home?

a little something to look forward to next week. one of my good friends will be back to uni finally. miss her so much. (miss u dear. faster come back)

tmr will be another quiet day i guess.

quiet. alone.


Pulau Redang. the first morning during the trip.
nice place. when will be the next time i go again?

short but enjoyable

Yesterday didnt sing K. we couldnt sing K and watch movie in such a short time, so those who wanted to watch the movie just went for the movie, not in time for K. the choice was mine, whether going for the K or the movie. still went for the movie, Pirates of the Carribbean 2, although i watched it already. it is fun going out with ppl whom u r comfortable with, who wont treat u as if u r transparent. there were 4 of us. i was the last one joining the group becos my class ended later. one of them still accompanied me to have lunch before the movie, although it was really fine for me to eat alone. the movie theatre was so cold haha. still felt cold although i had my jacket on. on the way out..funny looking at them imitating Jack Sparrow walking hehe..then we went to play football (the football table thingy in which u use ur hands to control the sticks with little football players on them). hehe 2nd time playing this thing n this time round understood better n controlled a bit better, thanks to my friend who tried to teach me. saw pool table! so tempting! haha learnt it during my Pulau Redang trip n it was fun. but we didnt have extra time for that n no empty table too. took a bite at the famous Roti Boy roti when 2 of them decided to buy. but blur me left my Tupperware water bottle in another bread shop we went. realised it when we were in the car right before we left. paiseh...2 of them went back to the mall with me to get it back. felt a bit bad. will try to be careful in future. right before dropping me at the LRT station, one of them started to ask me whether i knew how to cross the road. "have to look left, right n left again.." but i realised the road that i was going to cross was a one-way street, looked left will do. told him n yet he still went on n on " left, right n left" hahaha..ya always nice to hear these nice words asking u to take care on ur way home. but hoh....won't it be even better n safer if u just send me back home since u have a car? :p hahahah just joking. i know my house is far. quite a short outing but it was enjoyable. hope the next one wont be too far away but i know it wont be too soon. reports n assignments on the way already.

Hmm..not much plans for today. going to be a quiet day. home alone. looking forward to the japanese drama at 6pm.

Have a nice day

thinking

The end of my 1st week of the sem. after classes end later we r going to sing K and hopefully watch movie. it has been a long time since the last time my uni friends organise an outing. hope today will be fun.

Realise lately i have been thinking a lot. maybe becos i got quite a lot of times whereby i have to spend alone, eg on my way home (which usually takes me about one hour plus although actually the place where i stay is just 15 or 20 minutes drive from uni, becos of the wonderful transport system in KL) or when i m at home in my room. hmmm dont know y, lately have been feeling a bit lonely sometimes, going home myself, lingering in uni during breaktime or in shopping mall myself on my way home, staying in a room without a roommate...tmr my uncle n auntie will be going back to China and my 2nd cousin is going to follow along. the house is going to be so quiet, with only me, my elder cousin n my cousin's auntie in the house. sigh..wish that i have a companion. nowadays have been taking public transport home becos my 2nd cousin has graduated, so no more free rides home. last time at least still can chat with him or just listening to the radio on the way back. now i spend time alone sitting in the bus, ktm/ lrt, or waiting for them to come. sometimes feel like talking to someone after i finish a day but when i m back home everyone will be busy with his or her own things, n usually i will just sit in the room spending my time with my laptop before dinner time comes. guess my free time will be ending soon anyway with lab reports and assignments flooding in soon, maybe i wont feel empty and alone much then.

Oh yesterday received a postcard from someone in Australia :) so nice. it has been such a long time since the last time i receive anything from the post. always feel excited reading the content, feel warm and nice thinking that the person is thinking about me at that moment when the sender is writting me the letter or card. snail mails still have their wonders. i have never really forget about them eventhough i m convenient with internet, email, msn chats. the magic of snail mails is amazing. u will only know how it is like if u still appreciate snail mails n still post things sometimes.

Hope today will be a good one :)

Tanya 蔡健雅 - 双栖动物

(realise the guy in the mv looks a bit like Takuya Kimura. hahaha..cool)

new start

Time passes really fast for these few days. today is already the 3rd day of my new semester.

1st day was quite a nice day: settled most of the things that i had in mind, managed to get a copy of one of the textbooks needed before the stock ran out in the afternoon hehe, n managed to borrow that cd rom everyone eyeing for from the library before no more copies left. lady luck was with me for the day. did a bit of shopping too. bought a small cute clock with discount somemore n also a cd by Tanya Chua (蔡健雅), "T-time 蔡健雅 新歌+精选". quite a nice album which is a compilation of her songs over the years. quite a few of her very nice songs r included n cheaper than i expected, a double-cd album somemore. not too bad. 1st day was great.

2nd day which is yesterday, felt quite sleepy becos slept quite late the night before n i got 8am lecture on dat day. woke up at 6.15am.... felt quite tired n yet i went for a movie after my class ended. it was a sudden decision. watched Pirates of the Carribean 2. quite a nice movie but no ending :( got to wait for the 3rd one to know the ending. quite disappointed, got the feeling u have when u will have to stop reading the story book dat u r reading half way becos u have no choice, although u have reached the climax of the story n really want to conitnue on to know wat happens next. anyway it was quite a nice movie, but still...kind of still prefer the 1st one. going to watch this movie again on Friday, going out with my uni friends. they seldom have outings so just join la..

3rd day. today. felt even more tired. seemed dat last night the sleep wasnt enough although i slept quite early at 11.30pm. woke up at 6.20am becos today 8am lecture again...oh god. felt so tired n sleepy. blur. one of my friends said i looked pale. ya was feeling tired n was hungry n cold at that moment, just left the lecture hall which was kind of cold. finally finished the day n finally back home. think tonight going to sleep early again. a bit depressed. should be due to tiredness. need more rest. but got a little good news too. i tried to sell one of my text books n managed to sell it. hehe...just put up the notice around 2pm n around 4pm got a person wanted to buy already. good la. can make a little bit of money. these 2 days i have spent RM191.80 for 2 text books. very expensive but no choice. necessity.

Sometimes really feel dat i m really a so-so person in life. not much capabilities. not much achievements. not much experiences in life. i m not dumb but definitely not very smart. n i dont work hard enough in life to achieve things. when have i allowed myself to become such a person? i dont really know. better work hard from now on n graduate with a nice degree. n maybe graduate with an honours. guess i just need more rest. tiredness makes me depress n tend to think much. a bit too much sometimes. shall move on with life.

short update

Back to KL. 3-week holidays ended. new semester starts in a few hours' time. the start of my third year.

Last week. not too bad. stayed at home in JB. 1 week: not too long not too short, just nice for me to isolate myself for a while. didnt even miss my dear laptop. 'event of the week': release of the results for last semester. cold hard truth. heart breaking n disappointing. showed clearly how much effort i had put in.

'look what u have done'. what have i done? i have been such a 'sensible' person, worked so 'hard' to get such 'good' results, n go around breaking ppl's heart, not just some insignificant ppl, but all those ppl who r so important in my life, putting high hopes for me, wishing that i can do well. i SHOULD HAVE do well. there is no reason for me not to perform. although the scoldings n questionings were harsh, i knew i deserved them. ya i deserve the treat.

So this sem, my focus will be on me. myself. nothing else. dont really feel like caring much about any other things. i want to do well this sem. ya dats all i want.

Thats all for now.

Have been watching this taiwanese drama called The Magicians of Love (爱情魔发师). one of the theme songs is quite nice. a sweet silly love song. shall just put here.

甜蜜约定 - 183 Club

same old brand new me

The Pulau Redang trip ended on Friday. it was great! 1st time went into the sea. realised i like the sea eventhough i dont know how to swim. did have some fear when i entered the sea for the 1st time, drank some sea water but nothing too bad becos my cousins were around me n looked after me while i was in the sea. after getting used to the condition of the sea, started to enjoy n really liked it. would love to learn how to swim. snorkelling was very fun! felt really excited when i saw those beautiful corals n fish. hope in future i can go back to Pulau Redang again

After the trip, sort of understand now that travelling can indeed help ppl to sort out their thoughts, clear up their mind. managed to think through certain things. came back feeling much better than how i felt during the start of the trip. have a feeling that certain parts within me now r brand new. another new start. some parts of me r definitely still the same. changes take time n only happen when they r necessary. i m still the same old me, but brand new in some ways. good trip

Going back home to JB tmr. or rather is today. leaving KL at 8.30am. finally going back home after having all the fun that i possibly have. went to a few places n tried a few things, all for the first time. a short but significant period in my life. kind of looking forward to the new semester. hope i will fully enjoy the one week stay at home

plans for these 2 weeks

4/7 (Tuesday) - 7/7 (Friday) :
Pulau Redang. leaving the house at around 5am on tues, should be back to KL around 10 plus 11pm on fri.

8/7(Saturday):
Rest. laundry. unpack n pack (to go home). movie (although i m so broke now, i can still afford a few movies la..just plan to have 1. dont really care that i will get even more broke since i m broke already anyway)

9/7 (Sunday):
Home (finally)

16/7(Sunday):
Back to KL.

17/7(Monday):
New semester starts which marks the start of my 3rd year.


so sad haha. never been so broke in my life b4. hope i can get my financial aid as soon as possible. these last 2 weeks of my hols r basically for me to rest, refresh, recharge. will be cut off from the outside world once i m back home, since i have no internet at home, no public transport or car to go anywhere. i shall just think about nothing during the one week stay at home. my results will be released on 13/7 though. sigh, i cant online to check. need to get someone to help me. will see how then. hope for these 2 weeks everything will be fine.

yesterday :)

at Yan Min's place





Jia En, Yan Min n me at The Manhattan Fish Market, Mid Valley


Italian gelato (ice cream basically, taste great)

:)

sometimes i hate holidays

Sometimes i think i would rather not to have any holidays. i think most, if not all of the ppl, enjoy their holidays. at least dont have much stress throughout the holidays. but not me. i can be stressed during holidays.

I guess for certain probs or situations, when u cant solve them or change them, u tend to run away from them. dont want to know anything about them, dont want to face them. and they agitate u n make u troubled when u think about them or when u have to face them becos u have no choice.

But..is holidays now. i feel like shouting out loud: 'GIVE ME A BREAK'

I just want to have a peace of mind. i just want to enjoy my hols like everyone else does. i dont want any pressure, any reminder, any stress.

The house is so quiet. no one is around except me. no other sounds except the music from my laptop n the sound produced by the turning fan. i guess is a good thing that no one is ard, i dont have to put up a smiling face. not in the mood to smile. dont have to talk. i can just be myself.

Glad that i have a tv n a laptop to keep me company. can have some entertainment n sound.

Hope the coming week will be good

pity

supposed to be a wonderful day. but was spoilt by a stressful phone call.

feel a bit bad. i dont really meet these 2 ppl everyday, yet i couldnt really be as happy as i should be. was a bit too quiet sometimes. so sorry.

anyway glad to meet them n spent about 2 whole days with them :) should do dat again in future

hope we meet again soon